Every chink in the armor, an excuse to cause offense

The Swell Season's "In These Arms"

Several nights ago, a dream: I’m walking up and over the crest of a small hill, leading up to a cabin. I smell the woods behind me and feel the sun on my back. On the porch of the cabin, sitting on a wood bench much like one would find in a park, is you. I am closer to the house now and two girls I hardly know, walking with me, run ahead into the house. I move to follow them but my head turns involuntarily towards you, wrapped in a thin blanket, tears slipping silently down your face. “Oh, hon”, I say and veer towards you. But you turn your face away. I reach out for your shoulder but as soon as I touch you, you shrug it off. “No... I don’t need anything. I’m fine. Go inside.” you insist. And in that moment, I feel everything within me change. My heart breaks for you in a way it never would before. I feel my blood congeal within my veins. My bones so soft and yielding are hard and steel now. I feel tall and commanding and powerful and I cannot stop the flood that comes out of my mouth. “No. No! YOU don’t get to do that. YOU don’t get to just dismiss me like that. What right have you to refuse empathy, refuse comfort from someone who genuinely cares? What gives you the right? It’s your feelings, right? You can share them with whomever you want to, right? Wrong. There are certain people in your life for a reason. You let them continue a one-way relationship with you, and eventually God’s gonna pull them out of your life so that you don’t bring them down. Or they’ll leave of their own volition because you never really let them in. How can they be in your life if you never let yourself be vulnerable to them? So these people in your life are here to take care of you, for you to take care of them. Not using your friends for their Godly value is an abuse of friendship. Who are YOU to refuse to be blessed by God? And who are YOU that, in this moment, when no one else is around you, when no one is here to comfort you, and when I have already given up on you before now, who are YOU to refuse the comfort of the Almighty God who’s will for me to hold you just now was so overpowering that it overrode my desire to leave you be? Who are you?   ...You could have so much, if you would only give a little.” And, lips pressed tightly, hands shaking; I leave you there, shocked into silence, one solitaire tear still making its way past your nose. I have never raised my voice in such a way before.